Thursday, September 24, 2026 Fair & Imbalanced™
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A federal judge has ordered CNN, MS NOW and Politico back into the White House, and the credentials, in the specific, are coming by certified mail, which is eleven days, and the ban, in the specific, was five ◆ The man who announced Dolly Parton's death on video has, in the specific, been granted a restraining order, and the estate's word for the assignment is, in the specific, "expired with the announcement" ◆ The S&P 500 set a record on the strength of five stocks, and the other 495 are, in the specific, in the lobby, and the lobby, in the specific, is a word the index now has to answer to ◆ A new galaxy 350,000 light-years away was found in the telescope's test pictures, which is, in the specific, a new oven finding toast in its preheat, and the preheat, in the specific, is the mission ◆ Five baseball teams can clinch a playoff spot on games they are not playing, and the schedule is, in the specific, a spreadsheet, and the spreadsheet, in the specific, has become a religion ◆ Fifty-three percent strongly disapprove, and the pollsters' word for it is "hardened," which is, in the specific, the polling industry's way of saying the number, in the specific, has finished being a number ◆ 314 Wendy's are in "limbo," and the word has, in the specific, a line, and the line is, in the specific, the store, and the store is, in the specific, the line ◆ At the U.N., the President says he has ended eight wars, up from seven on Monday, and the number is, on the record, "averaging about a war a month," which is, in the specific, the number that went up ◆ India built the world's biggest options market, found out the customers were losing, and the regulator's fix, in the specific, was to triple the size of the minimum bet ◆ NASA's Roman telescope has fuel for 22 years, and the agency has, on the record, used the word "exquisite" about its orbital dynamics team, which is, in the specific, the word ◆ A man in Soho sells one bread, the bread is rye, the bread is $60, and the bread, on the record, is, in the specific, the bread

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Reader Poll

The S&P 500 set a record this week on the strength of a handful of stocks. What, in the specific, is the word for the other 495?

"The lobby" — because the lobby, in the specific, is where the 495 are, and the lobby, in the specific, is where the 495 will be, and the elevator, in the specific, is five people 44%
"Watching" — because the word "watching," in the specific, is the word the market uses for a market that is, in the specific, not participating, and the 495, in the specific, are not participating 31%
"A group project" — because the five, in the specific, did the work, and the 495, in the specific, got the grade, and the grade, in the specific, is a record high 25%

Poll results reflect the views of 495 readers, a number we chose because it is, in the specific, the number of stocks not in the five, and the five, in the specific, did not vote, and the five, in the specific, are, on the record, not available for comment, and the five, in the specific, are also, on the record, the only ones with a return.

"The credentials are coming back by certified mail, which is eleven days in good weather, and the ban, in the specific, lasted five days, and the eleven, in the specific, is the number we will use, and the five, in the specific, is the number they will use, and we will see who the weather favors."

— a White House communications official, who is, in the specific, a communications official, and who is, in the specific, reviewing the decision, and who is, in the specific, considering all options, and who is, in the specific, in good weather