Tuesday, October 27, 2026 Fair & Imbalanced™
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Triumphal arch's groundbreaking date is November 5; plaintiffs say the court isn't finished, and the administration isn't waiting ◆ Israelis vote again, and treat it like a commute; turnout strong, coalition math starts after midnight as usual ◆ IRS puts a citizenship question on page one of the 1040; Americans respond by bringing birth certificates to the tax preparer ◆ Thanksgiving dinner falls to $55.18; one shopper says a prayer became a price comparison, economists call that a recovery ◆ Researchers implant tiny magnets in muscles; bionic hand now reports its own position, and has never once been wrong ◆ Chinese brands drop a soccer player for telling a joke; risk analysts coin the term joke exposure, the laugh survives ◆ Congress forms an election task force eight days before the election; poll workers, who have protected elections since 1984, request cake ◆ Sonic serves a Santa slush float before Halloween; the calendar files a grievance, Sonic declines to comment ◆ Trump renews demand that New Mexico rename itself New America; the governor calls it a tired bit, the precinct chairs call it overdue ◆ Monarch butterflies given cellphones; roaming charges zero, and one butterfly was delivered to Mexico by a storm ◆

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Where the balls are always juiced, the scores are made up, and the points don't matter. America's pastimes, exaggerated.

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The Spit

LAS VEGAS — At 11:47 p.m. Eastern on Sunday, in a sport that legalizes the helmet-to-helmet collision of tw...

Hank Beaumont October 19, 2026

Reader Poll

Should the triumphal arch include an elevator? The administration says yes. A reader asks whether it goes all the way to the top.

"Elevator, obviously. America is old now." 61%
"Stairs, but with benches. That's compromise." 24%
"I mainly want to know what's up there." 15%

Poll results reflect the views of 311 readers, one structural engineer who has stopped answering email, and a groundskeeper who keeps asking whether the eternal flame is rated for s'mores.

"An election is one building, one Tuesday, and a printer older than everyone in the room. Washington has decided the room needs a plan. The room has decided Washington needs a manual for the printer. We are both correct."

— Barb Kettleman, Definitely Real precinct poll worker for 22 years, has never attended a meeting in the capital, keeps the backup printer unplugged "so it rests," and considers cake a bargaining chip