DETROIT, MICH. — The Detroit Lions led the New Orleans Saints by 21 points in the second quarter of their season opener, and then, over the next 24 minutes, the Saints scored 24 and the Lions scored 3, and the game went to overtime, and the Lions won, which is a scoreline the NFL has, on this record, decided to call a win.

The sequence, for those who missed it, was as follows. Detroit was up by 21. The Saints, led by a quarterback named Tyler Shough who, for the record, finished with 410 yards, woke up. The Saints scored 24. The Lions scored 3. The Saints tied it with 1:07 left. Then a 62-yard field goal, at the horn, missed, and the Lions’ defense forced an incompletion on a two-point conversion in the end zone, and the Lions, on the record, won 31-30. Per The Detroit News, the game featured a controversial call on top of the collapse, which is to say the game had, in addition to the 24-3 run, a second half with a theme.

"We are, per the Lions, monitoring the situation."

“Monitoring” is, on this record, the Lions’ position on the matter. The team, when asked about the 24-3 second half, said it is monitoring. When asked what, specifically, it is monitoring, it said the situation. When asked what the situation is, it said monitoring. The word does a great deal of work in the modern NFL, and the Lions have made it, on this record, their own.

The 62-yard field goal that was missed is now the story. The kick, at the horn, in the final second, was the kind of kick that decides a game, and the kick did not go in, and the Lions are the team that was behind on that kick and is, on this record, the team that is now the team. Yahoo Sports, for its part, described the result as the Lions “narrowly beat[ing]” the Saints, which is, for a team that was up 21 and then gave back 21, a phrasing the Lions have, on this record, accepted.

THE COLLAPSE: OFFICIAL MEASUREMENTS

  • The lead: 21 points, in the second quarter, and, per the Lions, a thing they had.
  • The run: 24-3 over 24 minutes, and, per the Saints, a thing they did.
  • The kick: 62 yards, at the horn, and, per the physics, a thing that did not go in.
  • The conversion: two points, in the end zone, and, per the Lions' defense, a thing they forced.
  • The result: 31-30, overtime, and, per the schedule, a win.

The 410-yard game for Shough is the other story, and the two stories — the 410 yards and the 24-3 run — are, on this record, the same story. The 410 yards is the reason the Saints were in it. The 24-3 run is the reason the game was in it. The overtime is the reason the Lions are, on this record, 1-0. The three are, in the specific, one number, and the number is a win.

The Lions’ coaching staff, when asked about the plan for the final six minutes, said there was a plan. When asked what the plan was, the staff said the plan was to monitor. When asked if the plan had worked, the staff said the plan is the win, and the win, on this record, is the plan. The two, the staff confirmed, are the same number.

At press time, the Lions said the season is the season, the overtime is the overtime, and the 21 points is, per the team, “a thing we had, and a thing we are, in the specific, monitoring.” When asked if the team expected to be up 21 in the next one, the team said, “monitoring,” and then it said it again, and then it went back to film.