INDIANAPOLIS, Ind. — In a stretch of football that has been described by multiple, mutually exclusive parties as “a disaster,” the Indianapolis Colts have allowed 1,029 yards through the first two games of the season, the second-highest total in franchise history for a two-game span, a mark the team is now officially calling “a learning opportunity,” a phrase that has since been applied, by the coaching staff, to at least four separate losses and one (alleged) fumble.

The number is, by every conventional measure, a problem. The Colts sit last in the league in yards allowed per game, yards allowed per play, and points allowed per game, a trifecta that one analyst summarized, on a nationally televised broadcast, as “they have given up a lot of football,” before adding, “and a lot of points, and a lot of yards, which are, I believe, related.”

THE COLTS DEFENSE: A STATISTICS PAGE, UNABRIDGED

  • 1,029 yards allowed: Second-most in NFL history through two games.
  • 514.5 yards allowed per game: A number that, as one coach noted, "is a lot."
  • 7.2 yards allowed per play: Effectively, a free ticket.
  • Record: 0-2, with the AFC South "providing a lot of chaos," a phrase the front office now uses to describe every loss.

The optimism, however, remains intact. Defensive coordinator Lou Anarumo, who has been publicly retained by a front office that has, in its own words, “confidence,” has described the unit’s performance as “a group of good players who are trying to do the right thing in front of a lot of people.” Quarterback and defensive coordinator alike have pointed to the fact that the first two opponents happened to be Lamar Jackson and Patrick Mahomes, a detail that one broadcaster described, in a phrase that has since been clipped and shared widely, as “not an excuse, but a very good one.”

"Everybody's got good players. Those two guys are, in my opinion, first-ballot Hall of Famers. We are also, frankly, trying."

The Week 3 matchup against Houston, a team now considered a legitimate threat to the division, has generated what one local radio host called “an unusual amount of hope,” a sentiment that the team, in an official statement, did not dispute. “We are going to play our game,” the statement read. “Our game is, at this point, a game in which we are learning.”

At press time, the team was reported to have added a new item to its weekly practice schedule: a segment, led by the defensive coordinator, in which the unit reviews a film of a 1,029-yard game and is then asked, individually, to describe what they learned, which, according to one player, “has gone better than expected.”