Wednesday, October 7, 2026 Fair & Imbalanced™
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Ted Cruz goes "all in" as Ken Paxton's secret weapon, and the secret, in the specific, is the word a six-foot-seven man uses for the word "everyone saw him" ◆ India's opposition declares every police complaint a medal, and the medal, in the specific, is the word a protest uses for the word "they wrote our names down" ◆ Japan deletes 683 companies from its stock index, and the index, in the specific, is the word a market uses for the word "a list someone maintains" ◆ Scientists confirm dinosaurs ate seaweed, and the beach, in the specific, is the word the Cretaceous uses for the word "snack stand" ◆ Messi scores in his final Argentina match, and the farewell, in the specific, is the word a stadium uses for the word "we have never lost here" ◆ KFC shrinks the bucket to fit a cupholder, and the commute, in the specific, is the word America uses for the word "flavor per mile" ◆ The President tells South Korea to sign the pipeline or he will double it up, and the doubling, in the specific, is the word a dealmaker uses for the word "the number you did not agree to" ◆ A man wins the Nobel Prize for turning a cubic kilometer of ice into a camera, and the camera, in the specific, is the word a physicist uses for the word "mostly photographs nothing, which is the whole point" ◆ The NFL suspends two officials for having feelings on the field, and the stripes, in the specific, is the word a league uses for the word "we asked these men to be cameras and they were not" ◆ A local man insists his October is the hard one and refuses to elaborate, and the October, in the specific, is the word a sophomore uses for the word "the month that needs a plastic lid" ◆

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Reader Poll

Japan just deleted 683 companies from its stock index with a committee and a spreadsheet. What is the strongest list in your own life?

"The grocery list my spouse maintains, which has removed items I still buy out of loyalty" — because the list, in the specific, is the word a household uses for the word "the real budget" 44%
"The guest list that decides who gets invited to the thing" — because the list, in the specific, is the word a party uses for the word "the real guest list" 31%
"The playlist my teenager controls, which has deleted my entire personality" — because the shuffle, in the specific, is the word a algorithm uses for the word "we are rebranding you" 25%

Poll results reflect the views of 9 readers, a number we chose because it is, in the specific, the number of readers who have ever been removed from a list and called it "a restructuring."

"People say deleting 683 companies is harsh. I say a list that never changes is a graveyard with extra steps. Japan simply took out the trash, and the trash was worth a trillion dollars, which tells you the trash was doing fine."

— Marguerite Okonkwo, Definitely Real index strategist who has never been deleted from anything, Osaka, Japan, who, in the specific, is the word a pundit uses for the word "I maintain the list"