Saturday, October 3, 2026 Fair & Imbalanced™
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The President asks 8,000 people to close their eyes and pretend he's on the ballot, and the pretending, in the specific, is the word a rally uses for the word "the most obedient crowd in American history" ◆ America threatens to stop selling diesel and the G7 releases 100 million barrels, and the threat, in the specific, is the word a summit uses for the word "we rearranged our calendars" ◆ Israel's president accuses Britain of election meddling, and the meddling, in the specific, is the word an empire uses for the word "we forgot to call first" ◆ Webb finds the early universe got messy 500 million years in, and the littering, in the specific, is the word a galaxy uses for the word "the supply chain" ◆ The Guardians, named after two statues on a bridge, make the ALDS, and the statue, in the specific, is the word a roster uses for the word "guaranteed to show up on time" ◆ A mystery emu leads Virginia animal control on a chase and the county refuses to say what it eats, and free-range, in the specific, is the word a bird uses for the word "caught at 30 mph" ◆ A GOP super PAC pulls its money from North Carolina and spends it in Kansas instead, and the stronghold, in the specific, is the word a party uses for the word "we need help" ◆ The 30-year Treasury yield tops 5.6 percent, its highest since June 2002, and the 2002, in the specific, is the word the bond market uses for the word "we remember, and we have the numbers" ◆ Consumer confidence falls to 81.9, the lowest since 2014, and the 81.9, in the specific, is the word the survey uses for the word "we asked 5,000 households and they answered honestly" ◆ UK diesel crosses £2 a litre for the first time ever, and the 2, in the specific, is the word a pump uses for the word "the number that moved a summit" ◆

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Reader Poll

The President asked a rally to close its eyes and pretend he's on the ballot. In November, when you walk into the polling place, what will you be thinking about?

"Pretending, faithfully, on command" — because eight thousand people already did it in an arena, and obedience, in the specific, is the word a crowd uses for the word "we closed our eyes together and nothing bad happened" 44%
"The diesel" — because the pump is the only ballot everyone actually reads, and a pump, in the specific, is the word an economy uses for the word "the number that moved a summit" 31%
"Whether the emu has been returned to its owner yet" — because the county still has not said what it eats, and an emu, in the specific, is the word a county uses for the word "our most serious unresolved question" 25%

Poll results reflect the views of 9 readers, a number we chose because it is, in the specific, the number of readers who have ever closed their eyes on command and admitted, quietly, that they voted better afterward.

"When I am not on the ballot, we don't do well. So here is my plan, and it is free: close your eyes. All of them. Pretend. That is the whole machine. I have run this country on less."

— President Donald Trump, Definitely Real pretending enthusiast, Mobile, Alabama, who, in the specific, is the word an arena uses for the word "the man who got eight thousand adults to shut their eyes at once"