Friday, October 30, 2026 Fair & Imbalanced™
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President swaps final Kansas and Iowa rallies for tele-rallies; the RNC creates a telephonic assemblies office, lapel pins now available ◆ $6.3 Billion gone from Binance — one engineer's laptop did it; CZ asks Musk to stop laughing, mentions the SpaceX stake ◆ Fake trans mailers unmasked in Texas by a court order; the real scandal, insiders agree, was the paperwork ◆ Sinaloa bans narco Halloween costumes for a third straight year; enforcement is a wave and a thumbs-up ◆ Chargers open 0 and 6; Harbaugh calls it a growth opportunity, season-ticket holder calls it the piano ◆ Florida finds arsenic in candy; toxicologists reply that candy also contains sugar, which has always been the problem ◆ Alaska Senate ballot lists four names and two of them are Dan Sullivan; the Justice Department asks a court to referee a phone book ◆ UN ambassador says the Cuban diplomat "is gone" after a shove on the General Assembly floor; the expulsion paperwork was signed before the shouting stopped ◆ Thanksgiving dinner falls to $55.18; one shopper says a prayer became a price comparison, economists call that a recovery ◆ Triumphal arch's groundbreaking holds at November 5; plaintiffs say the court isn't finished, and the administration isn't waiting ◆ Sonic serves a Santa slush float before Halloween; the calendar files a grievance, Sonic declines to comment ◆

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Reader Poll

The President is now holding tele-rallies. When the call comes through, what do you do?

"Answer. It's basically a free concert." 44%
"Answer, listen for 30 seconds, hang up. It's the economy." 38%
"Let it ring. The ringing is the rally." 18%

Results reflect the views of 903 readers, one RNC field organizer who called himself twice for quality assurance, and one telemarketer from Ohio who answered a tele-rally out of professional courtesy and has since been promoted.

"A stadium holds forty thousand people and one weather system. A phone line holds whoever picks up. Once you understand that, you can never un-understand it — and neither can the person holding the phone, which is really the whole advantage."

— Definitely Real RNC Deputy Director of Telephonic Assemblies, office located inside a spare conference room, desktop phone labeled with two separate sticky notes, keeps commemorative lapel pins in his jacket "for optics and winter"