The following is a guest editorial by a senior administration official who requested anonymity because, in their words, “he reads the op-eds and I have a mortgage.”

WASHINGTON, D.C. — I am writing this from beneath my desk, which is the only place in the West Wing where you cannot hear someone urgently whispering “the President saw a thing on television.”

I have worked in this administration for what feels like 14 years but is actually 18 months. In that time, I have witnessed more winning than any human nervous system was designed to process. We are winning so much. We are winning on Iran, where the Pentagon just asked the public for creative suggestions like it’s a RadioShack suggestion box circa 1998. We are winning on trade, where 25 states are now suing us in a case that will be heard by judges who will also be suing us, probably. We are winning on banking regulation, where our own credit card company just read a law and experienced what I can only describe as a moral panic.

"I got into politics to serve my country. Now I spend 40% of my day explaining to the President that Jeanine Pirro cannot be arrested for 'Reflecting Pool Treason' because that is not a crime."

The pace of winning has become physically unsustainable. Last Tuesday — which I know was Tuesday because the President tweeted “TERRIFIC TUESDAY” at 5:14 a.m., followed by “ACTUALLY IT’S WEDNESDAY” at 5:16 a.m. — the DHS Secretary was being attacked by our own base for being insufficiently loyal, the AG nominee was trying to kill an “anti-weaponization fund” that he himself had championed three months ago, and the HHS Secretary’s cooking show had been renewed despite Nielsen ratings that technically constitute a cry for help.

This is winning. This is apparently what winning looks like.

I have tried to keep track of what we are winning against. My list currently includes: Iran, the Justice Department (our own), the Reflecting Pool (a body of water), seed oils, the concept of jurisdiction, Anthony Fauci (still), Spain (a NATO ally), and the Bank Secrecy Act of 1970. I am told we are also winning against the “woke Smithsonian,” which I did not know was a thing until a Fox News chyron informed me it was, and now, apparently, we have defeated it.

Internal West Wing Metrics Dashboard (Leaked)

  • Enemies defeated this quarter: 37 (includes 2 inanimate objects, 1 ghost, and the 1972 Clean Water Act)
  • Cabinet secretaries still speaking to the President: 6 of 15, though 2 of those are just nodding politely until he leaves the room
  • Hours since last 3 a.m. Truth Social post that required a policy reversal: 11 (new record)
  • Staffers who have Googled "how to become a park ranger": Nearly all of us

The President recently said he is “in a bind of his own making,” which is the most self-aware thing anyone has said in this building since a junior staffer whispered “does the Reflecting Pool even have sides?” during a briefing.

I want to be clear: I am not complaining about the agenda. I am complaining about the velocity. You cannot fight Iran, the DOJ, the banking system, the food pyramid, and your own political appointees simultaneously without eventually mixing up the talking points, and I will tell you right now that someone on the Policy Council absolutely called Iran “the real seed oil” during a prep session and no one corrected them because it made as much sense as anything else.

At press time, I could hear someone two offices down trying to explain to a very angry senator that our tariff policy on Spanish olive oil is “actually going incredibly well, senator, we just need you to ignore the lawsuit from half the country.” I am going to stay under this desk until approximately 2029.