Tuesday, September 8, 2026 Fair & Imbalanced™
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White House launches the "Arcade" — five retro games on whitehouse.gov, including "Build the Wall," whose lose screen, per the White House, says "0 deported" ◆ UN report says the world is now expected to cross the 1.5 degrees line; the small islands, per the small islands, "have no second reef" ◆ Oracle to cut staff again to pay for its AI, then says the cuts are "about efficiency"; the efficiency, per the efficiency, is the AI ◆ Scientists nearly a mile underground report they saw one thing, and the thing might be dark matter; the scientists, per the scientists, "don't want to get ahead of ourselves" ◆ MLB reprimands a veteran umpire for telling a rookie to straighten his hat; the hat, per the hat, was "very slightly tilted" ◆ Burger King drops the Dragon Ball Super Power Up Pack, with a "Super Saiyan Sauce" that is, per the chain, "sweet, savory and tangy" ◆ A Polish man looking for car parts finds a 1,800-year-old shield full of a dead warrior's ashes; the scrapyard, per the scrapyard, is "continuing to sell car parts" ◆ One man ate only Sweetgreen for 25 days, so the company is now recruiting 30 more to do 30; the colon, per the colon, "is a statement" ◆ Bats found to carry a secret immune system no other mammal has; the bats, per the bats, have been "annoyingly fine" this whole time ◆ London's first self-driving taxis roll out — 15 of them, each with a human in the driver's seat who is, per the human, "not driving"

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Reader Poll

The White House is now a video game, and Burger King has made a sauce into a Saiyan. Which is the more honest use of the word "power"?

The Arcade — a lose screen that says "0 deported" is, per the White House, "engaging" 52%
The sauce — "Super Saiyan" is just a word they put on a teriyaki cup, and I respect that 31%
Neither. The word "power" was fine until both of them touched it. 17%

Poll results reflect the views of 11,009 voters, a number we chose because it is odd and slightly unsettling, and because a significant portion of the respondents were, in the specific, standing in a Burger King drive-thru lane at the time of voting.

"We did not add a video game to the White House website to be fun. We added it to be *accurate*. For forty years, the way this country understood its government was through a document. A document is a thing you read, and you read it once, and then you put it down. A game is a thing you *play*, and you play it again, and again, and then your kid plays it, and then your grandkid plays it. We have not changed the agenda. We have changed the *retention curve.* That is not spin. That is a spreadsheet."

— A senior communications strategist, whose official title is, per the strategist, "long enough that it does not fit on the business card, so we put it on the back, where no one looks"