Thursday, October 29, 2026 Fair & Imbalanced™
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Alaska Senate ballot lists four names and two of them are Dan Sullivan; the Justice Department asks a court to referee a phone book ◆ UN ambassador says the Cuban diplomat "is gone" after a shove on the General Assembly floor; the expulsion paperwork was signed before the shouting stopped ◆ Alphabet stock falls 10% after a profit miss and $50 billion in AI spending; the big three are on pace for $600 billion, and the receipts are in ◆ German lab turns an 80-year-old's blood cells into cells younger than 20; an American startup says it will handle distribution ◆ NFL creates a Brain Commission to study players who are still alive; the 75% study of deceased players called "heavily historical" ◆ Suburb appoints a Candy Czar; census confirms 41,207 pieces of candy, one sugar desert on Nine Mile Road, and a king-size surplus in the cul-de-sacs ◆ Subway moves National Sandwich Day up to October 27 to dodge election coverage; November 3 remains the holiday, Subway is not attending ◆ Triumphal arch's groundbreaking holds at November 5; plaintiffs say the court isn't finished, and the administration isn't waiting ◆ Thanksgiving dinner falls to $55.18; one shopper says a prayer became a price comparison, economists call that a recovery ◆ Sonic serves a Santa slush float before Halloween; the calendar files a grievance, Sonic declines to comment ◆

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Reader Poll

If your name appeared on the ballot next to a stranger with your exact name, what would you do?

"Add a middle initial and act normal." 14%
"Campaign on being the real one. It's free." 39%
"Nothing. Voters can read. Allegedly." 47%

Results reflect the views of 512 readers, two men named Dan Sullivan who filed separately, and one Alaskan volunteer who has been reading middle initials aloud since Tuesday and says he does not plan to stop.

"The shove had been out of circulation at international meetings for about forty years. Its return is the most efficient piece of business this body has produced all week — one finger, one signing, one flight. Everyone else needed a resolution."

— Definitely Real Deputy Chief of Protocol for Physical Procedure, walked away from Tuesday's General Assembly session with an unchanged tie, has begun wearing a mouthguard "purely as a signal," and keeps a drawer of boarding passes labeled "for future arguments"