Tuesday, September 15, 2026 Fair & Imbalanced™
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Rep. Tiffany swam 150 feet to the shallow end and called it "not deterring," and the lake, which has hosted no press conferences, is, per the campaign, "confirming" ◆ A Russian drone hit a train at the Poland-Ukraine border and NATO's response was a sentence it had been drafting since last winter; the train, per the railroad, is "already being rerouted" ◆ Japan's ten-year yield touched 3 percent for the first time since 1996 and the government's plan is "without affecting the bond market," which is, per the bond market, a phrase it has "received" ◆ NASA's yeast now turns a plastic bottle into a vanilla 3D-printed cookie, and the cookie is, per the team, "a solution," and the bottle is, per the team, "the interesting part" ◆ Baker Mayfield's new number is $55 million a year and the eleven other quarterbacks are, per their agents, "looking at it," and the league is, in the specific, "quoting" ◆ The Salt Hank's French dip is $34 and the line is, per the line, "a thing now," which is the phrase the shop uses to describe a queue that has, in the specific, "a meeting" ◆ The AI chiefs agreed on a speed over the weekend and the task force measuring it is, per two of the four, possibly measuring it wrong; the needle on the whiteboard says "slow," the needle on the tape says "buy," the needle on the Senate calendar says "next quarter" ◆ From the first tee of his own oceanfront course in Doonbeg, the President declared a unified Ireland "fantastic" and is, per the White House, the most qualified person in the room to say so ◆ The $2.99 Trader Joe's mini tote waitlist has a support group with a meeting, and the 6 a.m. Halloween run is, per the campers, "a thing now," which is the phrase that made it official ◆ Zverev thought it was 5-1; the scoreboard said 6-2; the difference, per the players, is that one of those numbers was a thing that happened

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Reader Poll

Rep. Tom Tiffany swam 150 feet to the shallow end of the lake where his campaign launched, and he called it "not deterring." The lake has not commented. What is the honest name for the body of water that hosted the campaign and the crash both?

"The venue" — because the campaign started there, the plane ended there, and the 911 call was placed from there, which is, in the specific, the whole itinerary 47%
"The primary" — because it is where the most important voting of the year is, per the people standing in it, taking place, and the water, per the fisherman, is "holding" 36%
"The co-sponsor" — because the lake, per the campaign, "confirmed" everything, and a confirmation, as the aides note, is a thing that is, in the specific, signed 17%

Poll results reflect the views of 4,112 voters, a number we chose because it is, in the specific, the number of votes it takes for a result to be "statistically meaningful" before the people who designed the poll start using the word "meaningful," and because a significant portion of the respondents typed the word "shallow," then typed the word "end," just to make sure the lake was listening.

"I have priced the ten-year for thirty years. I have never, in that time, priced it at three. When I price it at three, I am not pricing a budget. I am pricing a budget that is also a number, and the number, for the first time in a generation, is three. You do not argue with three. You fund three."

— A bond desk head in Tokyo, who has covered the JGB curve for the better part of a career and asked that his bank not be named, because the bank, at 3 percent, is, in the specific, the line item