Tuesday, September 22, 2026 Fair & Imbalanced™
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The first official broadcast of "Trump TV" is a helipad ceremony no one could hear, and the White House is, on the record, describing the helicopter as the news ◆ The United States flew to Naypyidaw to get one 97-day man out, and the regime that was holding him is, in the specific, the regime that got what it wanted ◆ Williams-Sonoma is up 23% in a sluggish housing market, and the CEO says the word is "storytelling," which is, in the specific, the word with a stock price attached to it ◆ NASA's Roman telescope has fuel for 22 years, and the agency has, on the record, used the word "exquisite" about its orbital dynamics team, which is, in the specific, the word ◆ The Cubs and the Padres are tied, the tiebreaker is a thing, and the tiebreaker has, on the record, a number, which is, in the specific, the number ◆ The $150 million cavalry has arrived in the deep red districts, and the districts are, in the specific, the districts, and the districts are, in the specific, 18 points of safety ◆ A man in Soho sells one bread, the bread is rye, the bread is $60, and the bread, on the record, is, in the specific, the bread ◆ The Xi state dinner is "a very tough ticket," the seating chart is a negotiation, and the White House has, on the record, ordered a $400 million ballroom to settle the number of chairs ◆ Ten lions are dead in Tanzania's Ngorongoro crater, the investigation has "focused on poisoning," and the conservation area, the heritage site, and the crater have, on the record, decided it's probably fine ◆ Ole Miss won the breakup 32–24 and Lane Kiffin left Oxford "emotional," then took a "subtle shot" at the fans, joking he might have been the reason the stadium was full ◆ Qatar's 13-year-old, 6-foot-11 volleyball phenom is standing over the entire senior squad in Japan, and the adults in the box have, on the record, stopped arguing with the height

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Reader Poll

A man in Soho sells one bread, and the bread is rye, and the bread is $60, and the bread, on the record, is worth it. What, in the specific, is the $60?

"Time" — because it is, on the record, an ingredient, and the ingredient, in the specific, is 57 years old, and the years, in the specific, are the years 58%
"A two-ton oven" — because the oven, in the specific, is the weight, and the weight, in the specific, is the weight that Chanel declined 27%
"The line" — because the line, in the specific, is the line, and the line, in the specific, is on Lafayette Street, and the street, in the specific, is the street 15%

Poll results reflect the views of 57 readers, a number we chose because it is the age of the sourdough starter in years, and the starter, in the specific, does not require a source. A significant portion of the respondents submitted the single word "toast," which we are treating, for the purposes of this poll, as a vote for time, since time, in the specific, is what the toast was, in the specific, going to be.

"I bought one at nine. I have not bought another. The first one is finished, and I will not say it was good, and I will not say it was not good, because I have decided, in the specific, that the $60 is the only number that was, in the specific, correct."

— a man in the line, who is, in the specific, a man, and who is, in the specific, done, and who is, in the specific, on Lafayette Street