MCCOOK, ILL. — Fontanini Foods LLC has recalled about 2,320 pounds of raw, frozen pork breakfast sausage that may contain foreign material, specifically clear, hard plastic, and the nation’s breakfast eaters have responded the way they always respond: personally.
“I bit into it and I heard something,” said Dana Whitmore of Rockford, Illinois, who described the sound as “a little click, like a knee.” He kept the shard in a film canister on his refrigerator door, in case the company wants it back, which he said he would not give up “unless they bring donuts.”
The recall covers roughly 2,320 pounds, which is about 1,050 kilograms, which is about one good-size pig, spread across packages shipped to a Georgia distributor for nationwide retail and restaurant use. No illnesses have been reported, and the USDA’s Food Safety and Inspection Service said it may be contaminated with foreign material, using the word “may,” which is the most careful word in government.
The internet, as it does, has already decided the plastic is a feature. Some say the crunch is texture. Others say the crunch is a warning. The truth, as always, lies somewhere in a third position I just invented: the crunch is a story, and the story is that a man in Rockford heard a click in his own kitchen and told his mother.
THE CRUNCH: ODDS & OUTCOMES
- Recalled product: approximately 2,320 pounds, raw, frozen, pork breakfast links.
- Foreign material: clear, hard plastic — visible, audible, and, per witnesses, clicky.
- Illnesses reported: zero, so far.
- Shards found by consumers: one, in Rockford, in a film canister.
- Retailer list: not yet released, so the recall is currently a rumor with paperwork.
At press time, a high school sophomore in Georgia had eaten four links from a recalled package and reported only that he “was fine, but I’m never eating frozen stuff again,” a position his gastroenterologist called, off the record, completely reasonable.