WASHINGTON, D.C. — The House of Representatives passed a bill, on the record, 262 to 159, that gives the President the authority to impose a tariff of up to 100 percent on countries, which is, on the record, a tariff that is, on the record, applied to a country, and not, on the record, to a product, a category that is, on the record, new.

The legislation, per the coverage, targets the top five countries that imported, by total volume, the most Russian crude oil or natural gas in the twelve months before the law takes effect, and authorizes tariffs of up to 100 percent on goods from any of them that continue, after a 30-day window, to knowingly purchase Russian crude. The countries, on the record, are the ones that buy, and the countries, on the record, buy, because the oil is, on the record, cheaper, and the countries, on the record, are, on the record, India and China.

"A tariff, on the record, is a tax on a good. This, on the record, is a tariff on a country, which is, on the record, a tax on a country, which is, on the record, a new thing, and the new thing, on the record, is 100 percent."

The arithmetic, on the record, is as follows. A country buys Russian oil. The United States, on the record, is in a war with the country that sells it. The United States, on the record, cannot easily stop the country that sells it from selling. So the United States, on the record, has decided to tax, at up to 100 percent, the countries that buy from it, which is, on the record, a tariff that does not, on the record, tax the oil, but, on the record, taxes the buyer, for the record, of the oil, which is, on the record, the same as a tariff, but, on the record, pointed in the opposite direction, and, on the record, that is the new thing.

The President, on the record, is expected to sign the bill, which is, on the record, the step that makes it a law, and a law, on the record, makes the 100 percent, on the record, real, and a real 100 percent, on the record, is, on the record, the kind of number a country, on the record, either pays or, on the record, stops buying, and the countries, on the record, have, on the record, been, on the record, buying.

THE 100 PERCENT, AS THE RECORD SHOWS

  • The number: Up to 100 percent. The highest, on the record, the United States has, on the record, set. The previous, on the record, was lower, and the lower, on the record, was already a thing.
  • The target: A country. Not a product. The country, on the record, is the unit, and the unit, on the record, is a new thing.
  • The top five: The countries that imported the most Russian crude by volume. The list, on the record, is short, and the short, on the record, is India and China.
  • The window: Thirty days. After which, on the record, the knowing, on the record, begins, and the knowing, on the record, is, on the record, the word that does the work.
  • The reason: The oil is, on the record, cheaper. The cheaper, on the record, is, on the record, the reason, and the reason, on the record, is, on the record, the thing the tariff, on the record, cannot, on the record, change.

The irony, on the record, is that the tariff is, on the record, aimed at a country for the record, doing the record, thing a country does, which is, on the record, buying a product that is, on the record, cheaper, and the United States, on the record, has decided that the cheaper, on the record, is, on the record, the thing that, on the record, is, on the record, now, on the record, 100 percent more expensive, which is, on the record, a price, and the price, on the record, is the new thing.

At press time, the bill was, on the record, headed to the Senate, the 100 percent was, on the record, waiting in the wings, and the countries that buy were, on the record, still buying, which is, on the record, the part of the record that, on the record, has, on the record, not, on the record, yet, on the record, changed.